I’m at a party of some kind. There are people all around, old friends mostly. I walk down a hall with people scattered throughout. The lighting is dark, bluish with orange glows from the table lamps and sconces. Everyone is looking at me as I approach a door to a bedroom. I peer over shoulders to have a look in. There are babies everywhere with their mothers close by and fathers standing around. My heart starts to ache. Everyone is staring at me. They can feel my pain. The mothers have their own club and pity me for not being a part of it, knowing at one time I so desperately wanted to. The fathers feel empathy, knowing what it’s like to not be in that club.

I try to hold back my tears but as I walk closer to the beautiful little babies my eyes well up as my heart overflows with sadness. I sit on the bed next to two beautiful little babies lying there cooing and squiggling as their mothers look down at me with a pity that is simultaneously disgusting and heart wrenching and I can’t hold back any longer. The tears pour down my cheeks, as the cries possess my vocal cords like a banshee. I get up and run out of the room, balling and running and balling and running until I’m nowhere. I’m standing in a space of light, no ground, no rooms, no perspective, just white, my tears never ceasing.

Jim Carrey appears out of nowhere. His tall slim stature calmly walks toward me, his heart filled with compassion. He stands directly in front of me two inches from my face as I try to hold back my pain and says, “It’s ok, you can let it out, let it all out.” His arms wrap around me like a warm blanket on a cool fall day and he holds me, pats my head and whispers “it’s ok, you’re allowed to cry.” I let my body fall into his, allowing him to hold me and cry those loud ugly tears that you cry when you feel like your heart has been wrenched from your body and might never be healed.

I wake up.

Why this dream? Why now? Why Jim Carrey???

Well, I think I can at the very least answer why Jim Carrey: