I’ve just come back from my studio; a first in over a year. I haven’t worked on anything substantial in over a year…maybe up to a year and a half. There’s this popular notion amongst artists, that we must always and forever be inspired and create magnificence with ever breath. Melodramatic, but isn’t that what artists are famous for? We are the Kings and Queens and hierarchies of melodrama, not just in artistic form but in life. We need to be. It’s how we get inspired in the first place. It’s the seed of our creativity.
…or is it just me?
Regardless, melodrama is a brilliant attribute to my creative process. If you’ve been fortunate enough to see my work, it’s the foundation of most of my compositions. I don’t think I would have anything to paint without some melodrama.
I like to think of this past year as the year of creating, extracting and harnessing a shit load of melodrama. I haven’t painted a single painting. Instead I’ve been healing. After my move from New York, I gave myself one year to get over my shit so that I can go forward in my life without any of my baggage getting in my way. I don’t want to run into it, I don’t want to have to step over it, I don’t what to run around it, I’m tired of carrying it; I’m throwing it out.
Throughout this process I couldn’t work, at least not on my artwork. I made a couple of drawings that relied mostly on my technical skill and couldn’t bring myself to paint a God Damn Thing.
…I created other things
…in other ways
What a strange and unusual year indeed…that is ending on an even stranger and unusual note. It’s almost Christmas. I moved from New York Citay, October 9th, 2017 and am now living in Kingston, Ontario; a quaint little city that has lovely architecture, delicious restaurants, a thriving cultural scene, loads of beautiful young buff student man/boys (literally running around doing fitness and stuff, yum ;D) and so far, extremely friendly, welcoming, nice people. I’ve already been invited to my first Holiday party and my heart is warm with gratitude for their generosity.
Moving, yet again, to another city where I know no one and have to start from scratch, again, is challenging to say the least; and somehow everything is looking bright. I have a nicer, larger and less expensive apartment than the one I had in New York, I love my dog (like crazy ass dog love happening here, like I would die for that little fucker, and believe me sometimes he is a little fucker…just like his mom I guess ;)). I’ve joined a gym…that has many of those young buff man/boys I mentioned and started at a new yoga place (the studios here have these fabulous intro month deals. I’m going to go around the city doing an intro month at every studio). I’ve found work in 3, possibly 4 reputable organizations and have moved my artwork into an AMAZING new studio in a BEAUTIFUL building along the water. It’s a little on the grayer side, given that I moved in November and it’s now December and I’m in Canada and it gets cold and gray around this time of year, but even the gray is beautiful in it’s melancholy, reminding me of what I imagine Wuthering Heights would look and feel like. I’m getting my health back and have healed from some very deep-rooted issues and trauma. The year in Cornwall wasn’t a bust after all. Sometimes it’s important to do nothing in order to achieve everything. “Doing nothing often leads to the very best of something.” ~ Winnie the Pooh ~
I am lonely for that special kind of relationship and sometimes worry that when I meet handsome new prospects, if they read any of my last few posts, they’ll run for the hills…but then I remember that I’m looking for that unique kind of soul who doesn’t abide by typical social standards and understands the ebbs and flows of the human condition. My excellence doesn’t eliminate me from fear and anger, it simply helps me recognize it and meliorate.
In case you haven’t noticed…I keep intimating grandiosity’s…you should try it, it’s really fun, and you’ll feel like a million bucks afterward.
Whether I find that special person or not, I know that right now, in this moment and the very soon moments to come, most of the time I feel…
And for that, I am…
I look forward to following my path in Faith. I look forward to planning my new adventures and acting on those plans; whilst remembering not to plan too much, because you never know what you may come across when you’re not expecting it.