What I Wish I Had Told You To Your Face

I am so sick and tired of meeting men like you, lying fucking hypocrites.  You think you’re unique?  You think you’re an original man, one of a kind?  You’re not.  I’ve met you many times.  For that I thank my lucky stars because this could have gone on a lot longer than it did and would have caused a lot more pain than I felt.

No wonder Trudeau is your bum boy fantasy; you’re just like him you narcissistic lying butthole.  All talk and no follow through.  Is it worth it?  Truly.  I’m curious.  Is it worth all that work and effort just to fail time and time again?

Let me rephrase that…you didn’t really put in any actual effort…not if it conflicted with your personal schedule.  You went out of your way, only if you were heading out of your way to begin with.  You bailed on a date because something better came along and attempted to convince me that it was somehow my decision.  You assumed I was dumb enough and desperate enough not to recognize your coercion and manipulation.  I recognized it on day one, I just decided to give you the benefit of the doubt, my bad.  Who are you accustomed to dating anyway?  You mentioned liking younger women…how young were they exactly?

You criticize everyone around you for being trapped in the “Matrix” as you put it.  Saying they’re asleep and live in conditioned denial.  To that I would say, have you looked in the mirror lately?  You live in your own Matrix that you’ve created. You are your own prisoner your judgments against everyone else are a means to escape the pain of self-reflection.

Your fear permeates your daily life in your desire to control every waking moment.  Do you realize that you never actually asked me what I like to do or if there was a movie that I would like to see or what kind of foods I like to eat.  You never asked me anything about myself…ok…not totally true…you asked me a few things…only to respond by either interrupting me or sighing in complete and utter boredom.  If it wasn’t a personal interest, you weren’t interested.

I was watching this video blog by this couple the other day.  It was about the things that truly made the fellow fall in love with his lady and wasn’t what you might think.  One thing really struck a chord with me, he talked about when he first listened to his girlfriend geek out on physics and space and new scientific discoveries.  He said he had no idea what she was talking about, but that he couldn’t help but smile and would listen to her for hours because he loved watching the joy and excitement in her as she talked.  Even though it wasn’t about anything that he would want to learn personally, he wanted to watch and listen to her because of how beautiful she was in her passion for that topic.

In truth, I'm hurt.  I felt hurt by you and those like you in my past.  You were not the first nor the worst, you were simply the catalyst.  I felt hurt for not listening to my intuition.  I hurt myself in not speaking up in the moments.  I hurt myself in leading you to feel like you were pulling the wool over my eyes.  I hurt myself again and again and I'm tired and disappointed; in you and the hopes that I had for you (because contrary to what this post is describing, there were many things about you that I was excited with) and in me, in the fear that I allowed to dictate my reactions.  That fear was dust from a past life.  Left over particles that missed the broom pan...well...I've got a Swiffer Wet Jet now and that shit's gettin' clean.  Bye Bye Mr. No and thank you for being the last domino. 

Have fun going through your mid-life crisis.

The End